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07-Jun-2016 19:45

How about when I'm forty; at a party or having a job interview? Being totally at ease striking up conversations with new people in social or business settings hugely improves life as you simultaneously have more fun and create more opportunities. Sure, confidently telling a stranger they have a nose the size of Trinidad is unlikely to win immediate friendship however pleasant your demeanour.

But what if the prospect of starting a conversation leaves you feeling weaker at the knees than a jellyfish on stilts? But the fact remains that when you're relaxed and confident, you'll transmit that comfort to the person(s) with whom you're communicating.

Sometimes your confidence can come and go depending on the situation you're in. If you're shy, you could talk to someone at school who you haven't spoken to before. But after you’ve done it once, you’ll slowly gain the confidence to do it again and eventually, it will come naturally. No matter how low you feel, try to find one thing that you like about yourself.

You might be really outgoing outside of school but be really shy in class. At school, you’re surrounded by lots of different people and it can be difficult to speak up and be yourself. It could be your hair, your sense of humour, your excellent taste in music, or your football skills.

You’re not alone - lots of people feel like this sometimes.

And it means feeling good about yourself, your abilities and your thoughts. If you want to look more confident, practise walking with your head upright or wear a bright colour.

Phone or write to a friend, clean the house, tidy up the garden, mend your bike, organise your bills, make a tasty and healthy meal – do anything that involves you making a decision, committing to it and then completing the task.

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This means anything you say is more likely to feel right (within sensible limits). But gentle, not too probing, questions show you're interested (and people find interested people interesting).Once you’ve made that start, you can begin to think of more things and create a positive image of yourself.Why not post on the message board and see what others have written?Doing something that absorbs you and holds your attention can quickly make you feel better. (2004) Meeting the unmet needs for depression services with psycho-educational self-confidence workshops: preliminary report. Journal of Clinical Psychology 55(9):1041-1049Top four needs of people with HIV in the UK all related to mental health, NAM aidsmap (2009)Self-Esteem and Hope, The Body (1996)Rosenberg, M., Schooler, C., Schoenbach, C. (1995) Global Self-Esteem and Specific Self-Esteem: Different Concepts, Different Outcomes American Sociological Review 60(1):141-156Weatherburn, P.

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